The other day I was reading an article about a mother who took to social media platform TokTok to describe how she reacted when she found out that her 17 year old daughter was pregnant.

Mother Nicole says that she gave daughter Angelica information on the three options available to her (presumably abortion, adoption and keeping the baby) and told her she’d support her whichever she chose. Happily, knowing that her family would help her, Angelica chose to keep the baby.

Interestingly, the whole thrust of the article, and most of the comments from readers, was that Nicole is such a great mum because she offered her daughter a choice. The praise for Nicole is mostly not because she supported her daughter, and offered to do whatever was needed to help her with the baby and continue her education, but because she enabled Angelica to make a choice.

However, some commenters thought that being pregnant at 17 is so terrible that abortion is the only option. “No, teenagers should get abortions every time, period,” said one. “This is sad, not something to celebrate.” Another went further, saying: “Man if I ever have kids and if any of them either get someone pregnant or get pregnant before they’re in their 20s then I will kick them out of my house or force them to get an abortion because I think teens shouldn’t be mothers or fathers because they’re too irresponsible.”

Clearly these commentators don’t believe in choice when it isn’t one they agree with. But do most self-described pro-choicers really believe in choice?

Some certainly do. In fact, Ann Furedi, outgoing CEO of BPAS, seems to follow a strange morality that consists solely of choice. When discussing whether there’s a “good” or “bad” reason to have an abortion, she tweeted: “In making an abortion decision a woman weighs up a number of things to do with her and those around her. The “good” is that she makes the decision and that no one makes it for her.” This is typical of her views on the subject – an abortion is moral if the woman decides to do it.

This argument is indicative of where the abortion debate has moved to. A mystery shopper exercise conducted for Christian Concern, revealed that BPAS sent abortion pills to a woman because she “wanted a bikini body”. Pro-abortion journalist Rebecca Reid then wrote an article actually defending abortion in this case. In one of the most extreme examples of pro-abortion rhetoric I’ve seen published in a national publication, she said that there is in fact no wrong reason to want an abortion. “Whether you have an abortion at 15 for your education, at 20 because you’ve got the chance to go on a reality TV show, or at 35 for medical reasons, there is no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ reason to terminate a pregnancy. If you do not want to be pregnant, you do not have to be pregnant, and you can choose not to be,” she says.

The abortion lobby may be shooting themselves in the foot here -  – most of the population do think there’s a difference between getting an abortion because you’ve been raped and having one so you don’t look pregnant on holiday.  For decades we’ve been told that abortion is needed for rape and other “hard cases”. In fact, it turns out that these reasons for abortion are no different  from wanting one to go on a reality TV show.

But the flipside of arguing that abortion is ok in all cases is that abortion is wrong in all cases. Which is what we’ve argued all along. If it’s wrong to take an innocent human life in the womb, no circumstances can change that.

Of course, even with extremists like Ann Furedi, choice only goes so far. Her religion of choice breaks down when it comes to pro-lifers choosing to counsel women outside abortion clinics, and some of those women choosing to accept that help. You’d also expect someone who thinks choice is the ultimate arbiter of morality to show more concern for all the women who have abortions precisely because they feel they do not have a choice, whether because of circumstances or outright coercion.

To return to the TikTok mum and daughter, what was most striking to me was the difference it makes in these situations when the family is supportive. Nicole clearly isn’t pro-life, and presented abortion is a viable option. But even then, knowing that her mother would help her, Angelica chose to have her baby. “As I gave myself a while to think and talk with my mom, I felt that keeping the baby was the right choice for me, knowing how supportive my family is, especially my mom," she said. "If I didn’t have my mom’s support, I know that this story would be a little different and I’d feel a lot more afraid than I am now.”

The many comments from other women who faced similar situations really hammer this point home. One wrote:

“I would have desperately loved to have parents like these when I was younger. I fell pregnant at 17 as well; my stepmother told me she didn't want any baby not hers in the house and my father essentially pushed me towards believing termination was my only choice, and I had no support when I went to have one. It's been 12 years since then and I still feel that regret and pain. That girl is so lucky to have a mother as supportive as that.”

And another who did keep her baby:

“I wish my parents had been that supportive when I first found out I was pregnant at age 18. The only thing they did well was to let me stay there and not chuck me out of the house. I vowed I wouldn't be the same and I ended up being there for two of my daughter's friends who were teenage mums themselves.”

So yes, maybe some abortion advocates do believe in choice – when it suits them. What they don’t address is whether choice is really the important thing for the women having the abortions.